Write a letter to me

Have you ever heard Brad Paisley's song 'letter to me'?  Its about the singer writing a letter to his 17 year old self and giving him advice.  youtube it.

I'm kinda wondering what I would say if I could write a letter and 'send it back in time to myself'.  I finally decided to delete my myspace page.  I haven't used it since before my mission, and even then it was only to blog.  I've been wanting to do it, its the first thing that pops up when my name is googled. I'm not sure I want myspace blog to be the first thing someone see's of me.  But I knew once I deleted it I'd lose that blog and its kind of the closest thing I have to a journal of sorts.  (depending on when, I did journal occasionally) So I started copying all the blogs into word and saving them on my external hard drive. They spanned from April of 2006 until September of 2008.  From 18 to 21...

Wow I was young.  That's all I have to say.  Life was fun then.  Life was hard.  I think what made it hard was in a way I wanted to grow up, but yet I found myself stagnating sometimes.  Work was a challenge, there was alot of drama, and I needed to grow up to handle it better.  Not to mention struggling with self-worth and overcoming challenges and feelings of failure.  I'd try and try and somehow it didn't seem to be enough.  Walls wherever I turned.  Then lets not bring boys into this mess!

So while I was reading all this Brad Paisley's song came to me.  If I could write a letter to me?  What would I say? What would my past self need to know?

Dear Kayley

Life gets better!  I promise.  On those days that life seems so hard and dark, remember there are better days ahead.  Everything you are dealing with now will come to an end.  And it will come to the end that is for the best.  Don't worry so much about boys.  They may disappoint you when they aren't what you would hope them to be.  It's not a reflection on you and your self worth... it's just proving they aren't the one for you.  You will never forget your 'first love', he changed your life.  But there is someone who is a million times better waiting for you.  He will be amazing and will make you so happy in ways you never dreamed. Your wedding day will be beautiful. So relax, that day is coming.  Better times are ahead. You will grow so much and meet some amazing people. Love the moment you are in.  Don't get so wrapped up in the details and the drama. It will end and it won't be as bad as it seems. Learn to smile more!  Take more pictures.  You are someone who has so much potential, but right now, in a way you are the actress standing just off the stage.  The days where you will really shine and be who you want to be are just around the corner.  The best is yet to be.  So quit doubting yourself and have confidence.  Embrace changes as they come and learn to forgive.  Draw closer to God, he is there for you.  Learn more about the atonement, it will heal you.  Don't forget to love.

~love, me

P.S. Choosing to go on a mission is the right decision, and where you go is inspired of the Lord. Never doubt it! You will never be the same again.

So I kinda know what I'd say...or at least what I'd want myself to understand.  I wish I knew more that better things were coming.

Perhaps a letter I will write to myself in ten years will say the same thing...

Also one thing that I'd like to share that I found while digging through my blogs was this story about Jamie Livingston:

http://www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/15131
http://photooftheday.hughcrawford.com/

I'd like to do this someday...