"You have to do your best, and be happy with it"

Well... its been forever since I've blogged....  Almost a month since I've blogged about my life.  Life has been busy busy!  School takes up alot of my time and procrastination the rest. :)  sad but it feels like it!




I'm liking school.  There are days that I feel overwhelmed and that I am going to fail, but I keep trying to plug along.  Try and try again I guess.  We have fun times too!  Last week we had a 'great wheelchair adventure' where we toured the school in wheelchairs to get a feel for what it was like.  It was actually pretty fun!

I learned what a challenge it would be to be in a wheelchair.  Not only in a physical sense in getting through doors and around tables, but also mentally.  When you are in a wheelchair it almost feels like you scream out  "I have a disability".  For someone who is so private and sensitive about her own disability, this would be such a challenge for me.  I have a new respect for those who live everyday in a wheelchair.

I look like something out of star wars!

We also had another activity where we had to put on some goggles that simulated someone with a vision problem.  We had some macular degeneration and cataracts.  I got the ones with homonymous hemianopia which is basically a visual field defect involving either the two right or the two left halves of the visual fields of both eyes.  That was a huge challenge!  I couldn't see out of the left halves of my eyes!  I ran into a wall because it affected my depth perception!  Notice the picture of me going up the stairs?  I have a good grip on that side rail!  Also inclines or declines would cause me to stumble because I couldn't tell those.  It was fun, but a real challenge.






On Tuesday, we were sitting in class listing to the instructor, and she was talking about overcoming a stroke.  Once you have a stroke, you are probably never going to be 100% again.  There is always something lost, and whatever is regained in its place will never be as good as the original.  She then said something that really struck me. "You have to do your best, and be happy with it".  She was talking about working hard in therapy and then being happy with whatever you gain back.  However, it struck a cord with me personally.  I need to learn to be my best, but accepting my best whatever it may be, and being happy with it.  Too often I think my best is more than it is, I need to learn what 'reality best' is.  I wish I knew what it is.  Any ideas? Suggestions? Theories?


I was also reading from the book "In the Strength of the Lord"  Its a collection of talks from the 2009 byu women's conference.  Its really good.  I want to go someday.  There is a talk by Brad Wilcox about "Changing strengths into weaknesses.  I really liked it.  I couldn't find an actual transcript of the talk.  But he did give a talk at BYU that is similar.  Its called His Grace is Sufficient.  In the book Brother Wilcox talked about grace and how it applies to us.  I'm still working on digesting it and applying it...in reality I don't know how to make the concepts taught my reality.  But I know if I were to my life would be much happier.


There was a few things he shared in the women's conference talk that stood out to me.  The first one is by Elder Lund:


 "Remember that one of Satan's strategies, especially with good people, is to whisper in their ears: 'If you are not perfect, you are failing.'  This is one of his most effective deceptions... While we should never be completely satisfied until we are perfect, we should recognize that God is pleased with every effort we make -no matter how faltering- to better ourselves."


"If we think of Christ only making up the difference after we do our part, we are failing to keep the promise we make each Sunday to remember Him always.  (In relation to 2 Nephi 25:23)


Elder Bruce C. Hafen ~"The Savior's gift of grace to us is not necessarily limited in time to 'after' all we can do.  We may receive his grace before, during and after the time when we expend our own efforts."  (Book: "The Broken Heart" pg 155-56)


"One of Jesus' names, Emmanuel, means "God with us" (Matt 1:23).  Is there a better definition of grace than this?  In the greatest of all companionships, each partner has a part, but they are not stacked on top of each other as if we must meet some minimum height requirement demanded by justice.  It is not about height, but growth.  We don't reach heaven by seeing Jesus' grace supplementing our works or our works supplementing His grace (see 2 Nephi 31:19; Moroni 6:4).  Heaven is not reached by supplementing but by covenanting; not by defining a ratio, but by building a relationship; not by negotiating, but by cooperating and uniting.  Instead of seeing two parts, we might do well to see two hearts working in conjunction and being conformed to the same image (see Romans 8:29; Galatians 4:19)."


"The great Mediator asks for our repentance not because we must 'repay' him in exchange for his paying our debt to justice, but because repentance initiates a developmental process that, with the Savior's help, leads us along the path to a saintly character." ~Elder Bruce C. Hafen (Book: "The Broken Heart" pg 149)


I guess what I'm trying to understand here is while I need to try and try again, to not stop at my goal of perfection, when I fall short I shouldn't give into the word failure.  The goal of perfection I don't think is to be perfect in every action, every word, but perhaps in a more abstract form, being perfect in nature.  We are not in a race to be perfect first, just to be perfect at all.  An if I stumble and fall only getting a few steps instead of running a 100 yds (like I think I should), that's ok.  The Lord is grateful for those few steps.  Then He helps me get up and run a few more.


Now how to make it a reality not only in my mind but my heart?